A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.  Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.  ‘Oh my, I am so sorry the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. ‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.’  They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.  They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.  After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!  ‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman.   Are you this nice to every guy you meet?

‘No,’ she replies.

Wait for it .

It’s coming .

The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?

She said.

‘You just happened to catch my eye.’

When I woke up this morning, I asked myself, “What is life about?”

I found the answer in my room…the fan said, “Be cool.”

The roof said, “Aim high.”

The window said, “See the world!”

The clock said, “Every minute is precious”.

“The mirror said, “Reflect before you act”.

“The calendar said, “Be up to date.”

The door said, “Push hard for your goals.”

The floor said, “Kneel down and pray”…

County Fairs are the highlight of the summer here in Wisconsin.  Complete with creme puffs, cotton candy, pony rides, ferris wheels, music and family fun times.

4-H kids put a lot of time and effort into getting their projects ready for the fair. Why not show your support and check them out.

For a list of County Fairs around the state of Wisconsin, check out this link: Link

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri.”

“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri doc.”

It’s that time of year again.  Gardening has begun and although it is a lot of work it can be fun and rewarding.  Following some of  the tips at “How to Keep Chickens” you will be the envy of the neighborhood with the fall harvest.  Click here for the top 10 Organic  Gardening Tips according to “How to Keep Chickens”

Does your mother have everything?  Are you looking for something unique and special?  Check out our Top Ten picks for unique gift ideas for the special lady in your life.

Red Envelope

UnCommon Goods

Nature Conservancy

Crazy Critters

Nettie’s Fountain Pen

The Green Life

12 Days of Green Shopping

Edible Arrangements

Organic Bouquet

Mother’s Day Central

Since Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Potty
TTYL: Talk To You Later
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?

I’ll have a different perspective next time I send a text!

Some of Ed’s favorite one-liners.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “is the bar tender her?”

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.  The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other, “does this taste funny to you?”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail.  The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

He couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to him.

He wondered why the boomerang kept getting bigger.  Then it hit him.

He said she was average because he was mean.

Pencils could be made with erasers on both ends, but that would be pointless.

LOL

Everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day, make your office special and keep the excitement flowing.

Celebrate these upcoming events in the next week.  Click here for more ideas on how to celebrate [Link]

February 15

* National Gumdrop Day
* Do A Grouch A Favor Day
* Galileo Galilei’s Birthday
* Susan B. Anthony’s Birthday

February 16

* National Almond Day
* First Check Written
* 1st Commercial Helicopter Flew

February 17

* First Canned Sardines Packaged
* Michael Jordan’s Birthday
* Championship Crab Races Day

February 18

* National Crab Stuffed Flounder Day
* Pluto Discovered

February 19

* Mr Roger’s Neighborhood Debuted

February 20

* Mardi Gras Day
* National Cherry Pie Day
* John Glenn Orbited the Earth
* Toothpick Patented

Whether you’re a die-hard sports fan or just eager to check out the commercials, no Super Bowl Sunday would be complete without friends, family and fabulous food.  Celebrations has some great ideas for throwing the best Super Bowl party ever.   Start planning your SB Party with their ideas, decorations, recipes and halftime games.[Link]