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Enjoy!

Lisa B

Happy Thursday! Here’s one for all of us preparing eggs for the Easter Holiday.

What a crack-up…

For more funnies by the same comic, click [LINK]

If you are looking to add some chiropractic humor into your day. Check out Finsktrom’s Chiropractic Humor cartoons.

They got a laugh out of me!

Cartoon licensing and art production for businesses and manufacturers.

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!  The teenager tells her ‘Loosen up Grams.  These are modern times.  You gotta let your rose buds show!’ And out she goes…

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.  The teenager wants to die.  She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate…  The grandmother says, ‘Loosen up, Sweetie.   If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Don’t mess with a Senior Citizen!

Click to view

Found on: Us Girls, Our Views

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..
_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school  reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking, right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on  celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting  to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had  something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,  making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she   thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall  grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing  scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into  the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the  grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started..
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my   lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential  downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the  garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather  would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back  into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different  anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is  terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my  stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…
_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming  anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in  about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started…..
_____________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply  for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to  verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at  home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for  me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at  the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped  your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’

And then the fight started…
________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you  to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s darn near perfect.”
And then the fight started……..
________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
And then the fight started…..

Author unknown

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put  into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol…Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke…Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup…Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil… Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service!

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.  Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.  ‘Oh my, I am so sorry the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. ‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.’  They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.  They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.  After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!  ‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman.   Are you this nice to every guy you meet?

‘No,’ she replies.

Wait for it .

It’s coming .

The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?

She said.

‘You just happened to catch my eye.’